Edition 1        Edition 2        Edition 3

the more i stare, the more questions i have

Text by firnita


and it will remain unanswered
because perhaps, they’re no longer here
but i’ll keep the questions spiral
handing it to the air–for us
to wonder:
  1. what did they think about? maybe
    I. how long will this event thing last? there’s a stack of unwashed plates waiting for 
       me and what about the party they will throw later tonight to celebrate this whole win
       it means i have to clean all the unwashed plates for later use before i have to wash 
       it again after the party they will throw and later

II. will i have the time to change and dress up? i want to look prettier. maybe there
    will be more bachelors for me to meet. exchange gaze in between the function. 
    smile and smile and smile as i wonder

III. are they actually single? or are they trying to get out from the relationship by 
     using potential flings as an excuse to cheat? i should check their fingers
  1. how did they cope with all that? 
  2. did they hangout after grocery shopping?
  3. did they linger in the market on purpose just to wait for each other 
    and tell stories about their new recipes, their new thoughts, their
    new dreams?
  4. did they talk about both boys and men?

IV. will there be a day for a woman to host this kind of thing? the ones where we talk, 
     the ones where we decide the dresscode, the ones where we become leaders.

V. can we also have shorter speech? not because we have less to say, but because 
    we’re aware of time and chores and time and chores and time and chores and 
    our two arms that have to do eight things at once. 
  1. why don’t i read more about them?
  2. how can i learn more about them?
  3. where are their diaries?
  4. did they write any?
  5. did they write at all?

and it will all remain unanswered.

Artist Statement The picture reminds me of everytime I attend events and or social functions. It always makes me think about whether the people who speak there take their time to consider time. This poem is a self-insert of my own thoughts and also assumptions that other people, women especially, think about it too. I want to make these women into people who think a lot. I want to portray them as someone who is thoughtful and strategic. But I also want to show others that women can still be fun and whimsy despite the strategic and critical thinking.